Week 4 and it signifies the pseudo 1st quarter of the season. Do you think you have a handle on things yet? Have any clue as to who is really good and who is not? Do you feel like you're in a constant brain fog and that this season makes absolutely no sense? Yeah, I'm thinking we're going to get our first real sense of reality after Week 8 or 9 and that in itself is fairly amazing.
Thursday night. Dallas Clownboys at the New York Football Giants. Ok, let's face facts…this game sucked. This game sucked for so many reasons that it would be impossible to name all the reasons it sucked and amazingly, Danial Jones is NOT one of the reasons it sucked! Yeah, I know! You're thinking, "How the eff can that be!" We are living in strange days and the League this season is no exception. At one point during this game, my wife looked at me and wondered if I was even paying attention and for a split second, I almost let her put the Hallmark Channel on. I quickly realized I am a red-blooded American man and that even a shitty game on a shitty Thursday night is better than anything on the Hallmark Channel. Regardless, these two teams are not good and I can't even find something in either's game to think they are close to being good. The Giants moved the ball some, but in the end could only settle for 5 effing field goals and we all know that's not going to get it done. Apparently, you have to kick 7 of them to win. As for the Clownboys…holy balls are they bad. Despite all the money they are spending and the now ridiculous need to get the ball to CeeDee Lamb 100 times a game, they couldn't muster more than 20 points. To make matters worse, it's looking like two of their best defenders might be banged up. This is on top of a defense that was letting the world run wild on them and now it's only going to get a whole lot more nightmarish. The Clownboys have regressed from last season and it's not getting any better so start cleaning house now. I think you all know where I want to start…
Once the Packers went down 28-0 to the Vikings at Lambeau and I started having those guilty pangs for my wife again, I thought maybe Hallmark would put me in a better mood. Well, instead of Hallmark I decided to go to the grocery store and deal with the idiots that clog up the aisles on a Sunday morning. When I returned, I did notice the Pack tried to come back and did a nice job of limiting the Vikings to only 3 additional points, but way too little, too late. Probably 5 turnovers don't help. The Vikes have to do a better job of NEVER making a game like this close and the Packers just have to…well…be effing better. Interesting side fact…Jordan Love, 55mil a year is 0-2…Malik Willis, probably somewhere at minimum wage, 2-0. Not a good look.
Look at the gutty little Bears showing up and beating the Rams in Chicago today! I'll say this, the Rams might be the best, most beat up 1-3 team in the League. So far, the Rams have been in every game this season, but they are missing those key players to get them at 3-1 instead of 1-3. As for the Bears, it seems offensively they are getting just that much better week to week. They are not making the playoffs nor do I think they'll even come close, but I do see improvement and at this stage is all you can ask for. Good win at home today.
Ginger Dalton and the Panthers returned to Cincy to take on the Bungles and there was no way the Bungles were going to let Ginger beat them in their own house. The last few seasons had been a house of horrors for Ginger Dalton while he was the QB for the Bungles (then known as the Gingers) and while he didn't completely shit the bed, he did what he was doing back then…lose. So much for carrying over the magic from last week. Nice to see the Bungles finally win a game, but can you imagine what it would have been like if they had lost to Ginger and Panthers? Cincy would have been burning for months.
If I had told you that Denver's Bo Nix was going to finish the game 12/25 for 60 yards (60 yards!! How the eff!) and 1 TD you would then ask me how badly the Broncos lost to the Jets in New Jersey today. 20 points? 30 points? How about winning 10-9!?! How do you feel about that Jets fan? Are you waiting for Aaron Rodgers to tell you to "r-e-l-a-x?" Easily one of the worse losses in League history…60 effing passing yards and you lose and you have a future Hall of Famer as your QB…that's beyond embarrassing. Every single Jets player should be thinking about retiring since you already quit.
We all know coffee is for closers and the Jags are clearly not closers. The Jags are now 0-4 when they could have stolen a victory against the Texans in Houston today, but like their now too familiar story, failed. Poor Doug Pederson, he's going to get fired again. It seems his does really good with another coach's team, but after a while he and his team just eff it up. Maybe it's time to go back to being a coordinator.
The Falcons squeaked out a game ending field goal to beat the Saints today and I'm more convinced every second the first two games of the season for the Saints was a major anomaly. I'm also convinced that both of these teams are no better than .500 teams. They'll win a few games, lose a few games by doing stupid shit and it all adds up to not being very good.
Holy balls! The return of Joe Flacco! Your boy Flacco is now the back-up in Indy for the Colts and threw a couple of TDs to take down the previously unbeaten Pittsburgh Steelers. Hell, I didn't know Joe still had a job after he did a nice job filling in for Capt. Run-n-Tug in Cleveland last season. As for the Steelers, we all know Justin Fields did not look great as a member of the Chicago Bears, but he put up yet another 300 yards for the Steelers and we all know Mike Tomlin is a wizard so I ask…do you really want to see Russell Wilson when he's "healthy?" You are currently 3-1 and Fields has done nothing to show he should be benched so my advice is to actually CUT your boy Wilson or trade him to someone that is desperate and move on with the QB with more upside.
Baker Mayfield continues his drive to be both MVP and Comeback Player of the Year by putting up over 340 yards passing against the Eagles today, but I have one burning question? What the eff was your deal last week…at home…against the Broncos? That game last week was an abomination and I have no idea how you found a way to rebound like it never happened. That's psychotic stuff right there and maybe that's what it takes to get over the shit Mayfield has overcome. As for the Eagles, I think this is the team we all thought they were going to be…pretenders.
The Washington Whatevers went to Arizona and HOUSED the Cards…literally did "whatever" they wanted to do today (get it!). All I kept thinking about during this game was how the Arizona front office is sitting there saying, "Why can't Kyler be more like Jayden Daniels?" Murray looks just abysmal while Daniels looks like the true future of the game. That's gotta sting.
The Niners got "healthy" today by destroying the Pats today, but it's not like this outcome was a big surprise. It would have been a big surprise if the Pats actually made a game of it and we would all make sure Niners superfan Kevin Shelby was not on suicide watch. Worry not people, Kevin and the Niners are just fine taking care of business. As for the Pats, it's starting to look like they are going to battle it out with Carolina for the first pick in next year's draft.
In continuing the "what the hell is going on this season" category, the Raiders, despite not having their best wide out, their best defensive player, going against a team with an outstanding defense and losing to the pathetic Panthers the week prior win over the Browns today. This game on paper makes no sense, but that has been the League so far this season. Not that the Browns are that good…as stated, they have a very good defense, but you'd think Capt. Rub-n-Tug would find a way to do just enough to beat a Raiders team that is clearly full of underachievers. Clearly, the Captain is not very good, way overpaid and the Browns are a franchise that flat out sucks.
The Chargers could have beaten the Chiefs today…yeah, it could have happened if the Chargers just knew how to win. The Chiefs were not good today and were primed to be beaten, but it was the Chargers and it seems that not even Khaki Harbaugh knows how to overcome the Spanos curse. After years of Norv Turner sacrificing every animal known to man to overcome the stench that is the Spanos family, it seems the universe is not letting them off the hook.
Sunday night gave us another night to give Cris Collinsworth a chance to be SUPER thirsty…Bills at Ravens…Josh Allen vs. LamLam…momma, hide the water cuz Cris is coming for it cuz he's SUPER thirsty! First half we saw one team's usual strength and one team's usual weakness. We saw a Ravens team on the first play give the ball to man amongst men, Derrick Henry ramble off for an 87 untouched yard TD. We saw the Ravens do what they should be doing, run, run and run. Then we saw a Bills team that does stupid shit on offense because, well, they're dumb and it's 21-3 Ravens at halftime. Game over, right? Well…the Bills came out all full of piss and vinegar and was looking like they were going to make a game of it…until…they did that stupid Buffalo thing they always do. A stupid-ass trick play that went horribly sideways and the Ravens are off and running…literally. This game is very indicative as why the current Bills will never win, let alone make, a Super Bowl.
Another 2 Monday night games…what the hell?!? Just like we really don't need a Thursday night game, we really don't need two Monday night games. I don't get the idea of dividing your audience on a night you have to yourself, but there it is. Enjoy flipping back and forth!
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